Tonight, we will celebrate.
Tonight we will celebrate. I will take the long train ride home. I’ll read a text from our roommates, asking if we are renewing our lease for next year. My hair will be whipped around in the chilly wind, and I’ll make my way to the corner liquor store for some red wine once I find my way home.
I’ll find two pieces of paper, tossed onto the bed and see the job offers that Nate has received. After 6 weeks of an internship, he’s been given a full job offer. My brain flutters from one possibility to the next. I look at the numbers on the paper. We can stay. We can get our own place and I can get a job. I remember my supervisor’s discussion with me the night prior, inquiring if I will stay and offering to find me a permanent place on the clinical team. We can stay. It’s all set up. We didn’t have to ask. We didn’t have to chase it. We didn’t have to push for it. It came to us. I looked at the number again, and thought about some possibilities again. Then something happened that hasn’t happened before. My heart surged. I felt like laughing. I laughed out loud.
Tonight we celebrate because we will surely turn down our job offers and we will most definitely move across the country, “back” to where we came from. We aren’t celebrating because we have something better lined up, or because we don’t want to work. We are celebrating because we are going to make a decision that aligns with our values, and not the world.
We have spent the last 6 years as college students and employees, trying to “get somewhere”. That somewhere being a place where we get job offers and financial security and…happiness…? During the last 6 years we have learned the power of community. We have experienced the life shifting effects of both becoming invested in our spiritual faith, an action that provides an amazing amount of fulfillment. We have learned what it’s like to live in a big world with little, in little spaces, and with little means. We’ve had community connections, we’ve said goodbye and started from scratch again. We’ve both been almost literally been struck upside the head with our tendency to be fulfilled by the natural world. We’ve both become better cooks, and worked in places that we would have never seen ourselves. I’ve become more aware of my power in my profession, and tremble at it’s authority.
I find excitement in the possibilities the future holds for us, because I know many, many more decisions will have to be made. Tonight we will celebrate because for a moment, I choose to believe our decisions are not based on that number on the crumpled paper. They are based on the hobbies that have turned into treasured connection and joy.
So tonight, we will celebrate. We will celebrate because we have made it. We’ve made it to a place where we can stop trying to do what this world tells us, and make a decision disconnected from those expectations. Of course, we are still in the world and are influenced by it, but even a small decision like this is a victory for us.
As I boil my polenta, and simmer the mushrooms in wine, no doubt steaming up our tiny apartment, I’ll smile. I won’t feel cramped or restricted. We’ll pour two glasses of the 9.99 wine and toast to the life that could be. The one that could keep us here, that could potentially be fulfilling, no doubt. I’ll smile because I know we are tied together in this flight of wind and dust, not really knowing where we will land, but knowing that we can decide.